For many people, the festive season can be particularly challenging, especially for those who have experienced trauma, violence, loss, or major life changes.
While this time of year is often portrayed as joyful and connected, it can also activate memories, emotional responses, and feelings of vulnerability that are closely linked to trauma.
According to the Australian Institute of Health and Wellbeing, 15 per cent of Australians aged 15 and over experience social isolation and loneliness, and the holidays can exacerbate these feelings for many.
We asked Ally, a counsellor at the Illawarra Women’s Trauma Recovery Centre, a special project of the Illawarra Women’s Health Centre, for strategies women can use if they are finding the Christmas period tough.
1. Acknowledge that loneliness is common
- Feeling lonely at Christmas is more common than many people realise, particularly for those who are separated from partners, away from children, or celebrating differently from previous years.
- Remind yourself that these feelings are valid and you are not alone in experiencing them.
2. Create your own traditions
“I encourage people to make the celebration more special for themselves – create their own traditions, create their own kind of way of celebrating,” said Ally.
- Consider making the day memorable in a way that suits you.
- This might include cooking a favourite meal, planning a peaceful day out, watching comforting movies, or creating a new ritual that feels meaningful.
- New traditions can help you regain a sense of control and comfort.
3. Seek connection where you can
“Chances are, there are other people who are experiencing the same thing. They’re just not reaching out in your life,” said Ally.
- Many others are feeling the same way but may not be reaching out.
- Consider contacting old friends, family members who live far away, or people you’ve lost touch with.
- Look into local or online groups, including Christmas lunches and women’s social groups in the Illawarra, which are designed to reduce isolation.
4. Be mindful of difficult emotions
“There’s going to be negative self-thoughts and intrusive thoughts – your brain can be your worst enemy at times,” said Ally.
- The holidays can trigger grief, sadness, imposter syndrome, or feelings of not belonging, especially when comparing yourself to others.
- These emotions are a normal response to change and loss, not a reflection of your worth.
5. Practice self-compassion
- There is no quick fix for grief or loneliness.
- Try speaking to yourself kindly, as you would to a close friend.
- Affirmations such as “This is hard, and I’m allowed to feel this way” can help soften negative self-talk.
6. Gently reframe negative thoughts
- Notice critical or comparing thoughts and remind yourself that they are not facts.
- When thoughts like “I’m not loved” arise, pause and replace them with something more compassionate and balanced.
7. Take strengths into the new year
- Reflect on what getting through this season shows about your resilience.
- Consider what you want to carry forward into the new year, such as stronger boundaries, self-care, or self-kindness.
8. Reach out for support if needed
- The festive period can be a high-risk time for mental health struggles.
- If feelings become overwhelming, seek professional support or crisis services – help is always available.
If you or someone you know needs additional support during this time, the following services are available over the holiday period:
Mental health and crisis support
- 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
- Kids Helpline – 1800 551 800
- Lifeline – 13 11 14 or text 0477 13 11 14
- NSW Mental Health Line – 1800 011 511
- Safe Haven – 55 Urunga Parade, Wollongong, on Wed – Sat from 2pm-10pm.
- Shellharbour Medicare Mental Health – 4225 5672
Domestic, family and sexual violence support
- 1800 RESPECT – 1800 737 732
- NSW Domestic Violence Line – 1800 656 463
- 13 Yarn – 13 92 76
- If you are in immediate danger, call 000.
Housing and homelessness support
- Link2Home Homelessness Line – 1800 152 152
- SAHSSI – 4229 8523